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This is a transcript of "And They Counted Happily Ever After".
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<Hacker> (EVIL LAUGHTER) TAKE NOTE, MY LITTLE DUNCEBUCKETS,

SMALLTIME EVIL IS AS IMPORTANT AS BIGTIME EVIL.

ONCE AGAIN, EVIL PLUS EVIL, EQUALS:

<Buzz> EVIL!

(Doorbell Rings)

<Delete> WHO IS IT?

<Female> CYBER SCOUTS.

<Buzz> MY ORDER OF CYBER SCOUT CANDY! (a witch zooms in)

HEY! SINCE WHEN DO CYBER SCOUTS RIDE BROOMS?

<Witch> SINCE I STOLE THEIR CANDIES

TO DECORATE MY GINGERBREAD HOUSE. (CACKLING)

JUST CALL ME WICKED.

AND I'VE GOT SOMETHING YOU'RE GONNA LOVE TO HATE.

THERE IT IS, HACKER. HAPPILY EVER AFTERVILLE.

...THE LAND OF FAIRY TALES, AND THE PLACE I PARK MY BROOM.

<Hacker> HOME SWEET HOME?

<Wicked> ARE YOU KIDDING? ALL THESE HAPPY ENDINGS MAKE ME SICK!

I HATE IT!

HERE'S THE PLAN, HANDSOME: YOU KIDNAP THE KING,

I BECOME QUEEN, WE TURN THE PLACE INTO

MISERABLY EVER AFTER. WORK FOR YOU?

<Hacker> HM. I LIKE THE CONCEPT, BUT WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?

<Wicked> YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL YOU THE BIG E DON'T YOU?

<Hacker> BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE ELVIS?

<Wicked> NO, IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SO...EVIL!

<Hacker> THE BIG E, HUH?

HEY, FLATTERY WILL GET YOU NOWHERE!

<Wicked> BUT HACK, IF YOU CAN'T SAVE ME FROM ALL THIS HAPPINESS

I'LL JUST HAVE TO FIND A VILLAIN

WHO'S BIG ENOUGH...WHO'S EVIL ENOUGH WHO'S...

<Hacker> ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! I CAN'T BEAR TO SEE A WITCH WAIL.

I'LL DO IT.

<Wicked> THANKS, BIG E.

<King> 451! 452!

...453!

<Jack> TEN MORE GOLDEN EGGS, YOUR MAJESTY.

<King> LOVE YOU, GOOSEY. NOW, WHERE WAS I? OH YES...

454... 455... WHOOA!

CHICKEN LITTLE WAS RIGHT - THE SKY IS FALLING!

WHOAOAOA...!

<Jack> THE KING HAS BEEN STOLEN! THE KING HAS BEEN STOLEN!

<Little Pig> WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

<Little Pig> WE NEED A KING TO TELL US!

<Little Pig> WHO WANTS TO BE KING?

<Spider> I'LL GIVE IT A TRY.

(SCREAM!!!)

<Spider> JUST 'CAUSE LITTLE MISS MUFFET GETS SCARED

DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE ELSE HAS TO.

<Wicked> HMM...

BEAT IT, FUZZY LEGS.

I AM YOUR NEW QUEEN! AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,

I'LL TURN YOU ALL INTO COCKROACHES!

<Fairy Tale Folk> LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!

<King> EXCUSE ME.

IF YOU RETURN ME TO THE CASTLE, I'LL GIVE YOU AS MANY

GOLDEN EGGS AS YOUR EVIL HEART DESIRES.

<Hacker> DID YOU SAY...GOLDEN EGGS?

<King> YEP. GOLDEN EGGS-A-PLENTY. JUST PICK A NUMBER.

<Hacker> ANY NUMBER?

<King> OH ANY NUMBER AT ALL.

<Hacker> HA HA HA!

<Wicked> LISTEN UP LITTLE PEOPLE.

ABRACADABRA, SO LONG LAUGHTER, FROM NOW ON,

THIS JOINT'S KNOWN AS MISERABLY EVER AFTER. (CACKLE)

<Fairy Tale Folk> (STUNNED GASP!)

<Wicked> ALL HAIL TO THE QUEEN!

<Hacker> NOT SO FAST, WICKED!

THERE'S BEEN A CHANGE OF PLANS.

HACKER?!

<Hacker> GIVE ME 552 GOLDEN - WAIT,

MAKE THAT 629 - NO NO NO NO...

777 GOLDEN EGGS.

YEAH, THAT'S A NICE NUMBER.

IF I GET THEM IN THE NEXT 15 MINUTES...

THEN THE BIG E - THAT'S ME - RETURNS YOUR KING!

<Wicked> BUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE HIM TO THE EDGE OF CYBERSPACE

AND TOSS HIM INTO THE RECYCLE BIN! OOOH!

<Fairy Tale Folk> UHHH!!!

<Wicked> OOPS.

<Jack> SEIZE HER!

<Wicked> NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!

ABRACADABRA, I CAN'T BE DEFEATED,

IF YOUR ABILITY TO COUNT IS TOTALLY DELETED!

<Spider> HUH?

<Jack> TAKE HER TO THE TOWER!

<Wicked> MY MAGIC WAND!!!

<Wicked> OH... OF ALL THE TOWERS IN ALL THE CASTLES IN THE KINGDOM,

THEY HAD TO LOCK ME IN THIS ONE. OOOH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THIS HAIR! EW!

WHO KNEW RAPUNZEL WAS SUCH A SLOB!

WHAT'S THIS?

<Digit> OH! BADA-BING, BADA-BOOM! ANOTHER PERFECT LANDING!

<Wicked> YOOHOO, DOWN THERE! TIN-BOY!

<Digit> ME?

<Wicked> YEAH, YOU. CAN YOU DO AN OLD WI- I MEAN, RAPUNZEL A FAVOR?

<Inez> HEY, DIDGE! WHAT'S UP?

<Digit> 'TIL YOU GOT HERE, I WAS HELPING A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS.

<Wicked> HEL-LOOOOOO.

<Matt> THAT'S NO DAMSEL IN DISTRESS - THAT'S A WITCH IN A HAIRBALL!

<Jackie> MAYBE THAT'S THE WICKED WITCH MOTHER B WARNED ME ABOUT?

<Inez> SHE SAID THE WITCH WAS ATTEMPTING TO TRANSFORM

THIS PLACE INTO MISERABLY EVER AFTER.

LOOKS LIKE SHE'S OFF TO A GOOD START.

<Jack> AAAH!

<Matt> WHAT WAS THAT?

<Jackie> LET'S CHECK IT OUT!

<Wicked> HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?

<Jack> COME ON, PEOPLE!

SOMEONE'S GOTTA KNOW HOW TO COUNT!

<Fairy Tale Folk> COUNT? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COUNT! WHAT'S COUNT?

<Jackie> EXCUSE ME, BUT MAYBE WE CAN HELP.

<Little Pig> THE BIG E WANTS A WHOLE LOT OF GOLDEN EGGS

OR WE'LL NEVER SEE OUR KING AGAIN!

<Jackie> WHO'S THE BIG E?

<Jack> A FRIEND OF THE WICKED WITCH. AND HE WANTS 777 GOLDEN EGGS...

<Little Pig> BUT WE DON'T KNOW HOW MANY 777 IS!

<Little Pig> THAT'S BECAUSE THE WITCH CAST A SPELL

SO WE CAN'T COUNT ANYMORE.

<Little Pig> AND WE ONLY HAVE A BUNCHA MINUTES TO FIGURE IT OUT!

<Matt> AND WITH NO KING...

...THEY'RE GOING TO LIVE...

<Townsfolk> ...MISERABLY EVER AFTER!

Spider: But the Big E said, 777 not 779.

Why couldn't I get a broom with a flying dustpan.

One, Get me out of Rupunzel's hair. Two, Give me back my wand, now.

You did! That's what I get for buying on sale.

Big E! Wait for Me!

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