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This is a transcript of "Designing Mr. Perfect".
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DIGIT: TV TIME, MOTHERBOARD.

LET'S SEE WHO'S LOOKIN' FOR LOVE

ON "FINDING MR. PERFECT"!

WICKED: GREETINGS BACHELORS!

IT'S WICKED!

I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO REPLACE

THAT MISERABLE CREEP, HACKER, IN MY LIFE.

WHAT MAKES YOU THE PERFECT PARTNER FOR ME?

BACHELOR NUMBER ONE?

I'M SMART.

I CAN THINK FOR YOU.

WELL, HOW ABOUT THINKING ABOUT ME?

BACHELOR NUMBER TWO?

I'M STRONG AND POWERFUL.

YOU WILL DO EXACTLY WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO!

HO-HUM, CAN'T WAIT.

NUMBER THREE?

I'M PERFECT 'CUZ I WUV YOU!

OKAY, LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT, FELLOWS!

NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE

IS SMARTER THAN I AM!

NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO...

AND I DON'T NEED WUV,

I NEED APPRECIATION!

NOW BEAT IT!

MY SEARCH FOR MR. PERFECT IS HEREBY CANCELLED!

I ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR HER.

(CHUCKLES)

(PHONE RINGS)

CONTROL CENTRAL.

OH HI, KING.

THE DIGITIZER BLEW AT HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER?

I'M ON MY WAY!

THINK ABOUT IT, MOTHERBOARD,

WHO COULD EVER BE PERFECT FOR WICKED?

(SOBBING MELODRAMATICALLY)

WHY CAN'T I FIND MR. PERFECT?

TELL ME, WANDA, WHY?

IT'S SO NOT YOUR FAULT, WICKED.

MAYBE MR. RIGHT JUST DOESN'T EXIST.

(SOBBING HARDER) OHHHH, DON'T SAY THAT!

THEN WHAT WOULD I DO?

JOIN A HEALTH CLUB?

(GASPS) NO, WAIT!

I HAVE IT!

USE YOUR POWERS TO INVENT HIM!

INVENT HIM?

WHY NOT?

WE CAN TURN SOMEONE OR SOMETHING

INTO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!

I'M LISTENING.

IN FAIRY TALES,

WITCHES ALWAYS TURN PRINCES INTO FROGS, RIGHT?

WELL, WE CAN TURN A FROG INTO A PRINCE.

A PRINCE WHO'S TOP OF THE LINE,

OUT OF THIS WORLD,

IN OTHER WORDS...

PERFECT!

OOH, ME LIKEY!

BUT NOT JUST ANY FROG!

FOR MY INVENTION,

I WANT THE BIGGEST, BOLDEST,

MOST PERFECT FROG OF ALL!

ABERACADABRA, GET ME A FROG,

USE THIS TO GRAB ONE OFF A LOG!

OH! WHAT A SPLENDID IDEA!

WHY GO THROUGH THE AGONY

OF SEARCHING FOR MR. PERFECT

WHEN I CAN INVENT HIM?!

(RIBBIT)

(RIBBIT)

CLEAR THE ZONE, PAL!

CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO REPAIR

THIS DIGITIZER THINGY?

(RIBBIT)

WANDA: HERE FROGGY, FROGGY.

COME TO WANDA.

(RIBBIT)

YES!

(RIBBIT)

THE FUTURE MR. PERFECT!

GET HIM!

(ANNOYED) SCAT! SHOO!

HIT THE ROAD!

YOIKES!

(STRUGGLING GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS OF EFFORT)

OH! I CAN'T WAIT FOR WICKED TO SEE WHAT-

(GASPS) WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

YOU TELL ME, WANDA

I, I NEED A FROG

SO WICKED CAN REPLACE HACKER!

NOT MY PROBLEM!

YOU CAN'T LEAVE!

LET ME GO OR I'LL TELL WICKED

WHO YOU CAUGHT.

I'LL TELL HER IT'S YOUR FAULT!

SHE'LL BE SO MAD

SHE'LL TURN YOU INTO A REAL FROG!

HUH?

WANDA: OR WORSE!

WICKED: IS THAT YOU, WANDA?

GOT THE FROG?

UM... YEAH.

IT'S...PERFECT!

I PROMISE TO GET YOU OUT OF THIS.

JUST GO ALONG WITH ME FOR NOW.

UM UH...

EH... ON ONE CONDITION:

YOU GET THE EARTHLIES HERE TO HELP,

AND I'LL GO ALONG WITH YOUR PLAN.

OKAY, YOU GOT A DEAL!

I WAS WONDERING,

HAVE YOU THOUGHT THIS INVENTION THING

ALL THE WAY THROUGH?

I MEAN, EVERY INVENTION NEEDS UM...

A DESIGN.

A DESIGN?

YOU MEAN, LIKE A PLAN?

YES!

FIRST DECIDE WHAT YOU NEED YOUR INVENTION TO DO.

THEN DESIGN IT SO THE INVENTION DOES IT.

RIGHT. MAKES SENSE.

HM...LET'S SEE, WHAT DO I NEED?

NUMBER ONE:

SOMEONE WHO WILL MAKE ME LOOK GOOD.

SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD...

I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!

AHHH!

WICKED: NUMBER TWO:

SOMEONE TO HELP ME MAKE OTHERS MISERABLE.

NUMBER THREE:

SOMEONE WHO ALWAYS AGREES WITH ME!

WELL, THAT'S MY LIST.

LET'S INVENT!

ABRACADABRA, IF YOU WOULD,

INVENT SOMEONE WHO WILL MAKE ME LOOK GOOD.

(GASPS)

YOIKES!

NO! MORE MUSCLES.

OH! HE'S SO CUTE!

I'LL LOOK FABULOUS NEXT TO HIM.

NOW, NUMBER TWO.

SOMEONE TO HELP ME MAKE OTHERS MISERABLE.

(HIGH-PITCHED) SHALL WE TURN AQUARI-YUM UPSIDE DOWN

AND SHAKE IT, JUST FOR FUN?

OH, GOOD IDEA! BUT FIX THE VOICE.

(DEEP VOICE) LET'S GIVE SHANGRILA VIDEO ARCADES,

AND RUIN ITS PEACE AND QUIET.

MUCH BETTER.

NOW...

HE MUST ALWAYS AGREE WITH ME.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM!

HELLO, MY PRINCESS.

I WANT WHAT YOU WANT.

I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU SAY.

OH! OH!

I'VE INVENTED MR. PERFECT!

BUZZ: MAIL CALL, BOSS.

(SNIFFING) SMELLS PERFUMY.

(SNIFFS)

HMMM... WONDER WHAT IT IS?

WICKED: HELLO HACKIE POO.

THIS IS A "YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO MY WEDDING" NOTICE.

I FINALLY FOUND MR. PERFECT,

WHICH YOU WERE ANYTHING BUT!

WHAT?!

ME...NOT PERFECT?

WICKED: LUCKILY, I'M SO OVER YOU,

IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY!

AND I'M MARRYING MR. PERFECT TODAY!

SO, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T GET THE HINT,

YOU'RE NOT INVITED!

HACKER: WHAT?!

SHE WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!

NO ONE IS MORE PERFECT THAN I AM!

UNLESS HE TREATS HER BETTER.

AND DOES EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS.

I SAID NO ONE, YOU TINWITS!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

JACKIE: (HUSHED) LOOKS LIKE WANDA GOT US HERE JUST IN TIME.

YOU SURE THIS INVENTION IS GONNA WORK?

WELL, I DIDN'T EXACTLY HAVE A LOT OF TIME

TO DESIGN IT, YOU KNOW!

(HUSHED) WEDDING MUSIC! HERE THEY COME!

ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?

I'M SO LUCKY!

OHMIGOSH!

THAT'S DIGIT?

SHHH! GET READY!

KING: WE ARE GABBERED, I MEAN GATHERED HERE-

FORGET THAT SAP, KING!

JUST MARRY US.

MR. PERFECT, DO YOU TAKE THIS SNITCH-

I MEAN WITCH, AS YOUR STRIFE-

I MEAN WIFE?

KIDS: STOP!

MR. PERFECT'S COMING WITH US!

MATT: WHOA!

EARTHLIES!

WHAT?!

(CLEARS THROAT)

EARTH BRATS!

YIKES!

UH-OH!

KIDS: HACKER!

HACKER: MR. NOT-SO-PERFECT IS COMING WITH ME!

HELLLLLLLP!

(ANGUISHED) NOOOOOOOOOOO!

SO, WICKED THINKS YOU'RE PERFECT, EH?

WELL, LET'S SEE HOW PERFECTLY

YOU FIT INTO THE BLACK HOLE OF CYBERSPACE!

(EVIL LAUGH)

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